i like to date. seems a bit contrary, but i actually like being in relationships. i’m bad at the ending, but that sort of begs the question, why do mine always end? sometimes, it really is me. and i have been the breaker-upper 100% of the time, usually because i’m not getting the one thing i really need from the other person.
in an attempt to find myself “more awesomer” as my husband would put it, i came up with 40 (or so) reasons why women should want to date me.
1-i’m cute. no, i’m not really. but the fact that i don’t think that i am makes me less arrogant than most lesbians.
2-i’m a fairly decent cook. and i wish i got the chance to cook for people more.
3-on that same note, i’m all about making breakfast. a nice sunday morning excercise is bringing some form of breakfast in bed.
4-i like all sorts of music. no really, it’s bizarre. you know how most people say, oh i listen to everything? yeah, i really do.
5-i’m not super-jealous-crazy-girlfriend. i’m just not the type. ask any of my exes, i’m freakishly understanding.
6-if a hot girl walks by, and you look, all i’ll be pissed about is that you didn’t tell me so that i could look. if you don’t look, i’ll question whether or not you and i will work out.
7-i’m a fun drunk, and usually don’t need to be taken care of. personal limits are often automatically enforced, so that i can maintain a gorgeous buzz without vomming in your car.
8-i’m good with computers. so if you aren’t, i can fix yours. or at least try.
9-i like communal showers…and by communal, i mean party of two.
10-i ride a skateboard and a bicycle…which translates to i’m both really gay AND earth-friendly.
11-parents like me. i had one girl’s mom who wanted to cook me dinner, before she ever met me.
12-i’m well-read and full of useless information.
13-#12 makes me a quiet hit at parties, and good at meeting friends.
14-i have a husband and wife, who are both my best friends…and who have spent the last 3-6 years telling me about my unattractive qualities, many of which i have swallowed or lost.
15-i like to travel, and i’m not a huge complainer. i won’t love it, but i’ll sleep outside. and if i’m with you, i’d imagine that i’d forget that i’m outside at some point.
16-i’m a kind of “down for anything” person. i like to do new and random things. i.e. for me, a typical hang-out involved a meal, browsing a store or two and the movies. so, when my husband decided that we should go bowling…we went bowling. and it was awesome.
17-i’m a little bit of a polar bear. i’m chronically desiring to be colder, which means i’m not the girl who needs a sweater at the movies, or wants to switch tables at the restaurant because “the vent is right above me!”
18-actually, even if it was bothering me, i wouldn’t say anything. i’m anti-hassle girl.
19-i geek out randomly about weird things. like whiteboards, or coffee, or cameras, or politics. i’ve been told that this is endearing. i’m not sure if i believe that, but it’s getting harder and harder to come up with things for this list. i’m starting to think that 40 was a tad optimistic…
20-i can touch-type. i once typed an entire three pages of information while looking only at the handwritten version. two typos in the whole thing.
21-i say silly and juvenile things, like “suck it!” or “you’re such a perv.”
22-i’ve had a secret desire to be a rock goddess ever since the sixth grade, when i heard nirvana for the first time, and the eighth grade, when i heard system of a down and incubus for the first time. i recently bought a guitar, and i’m thinking i’m not at all good. but i’m trying.
23-when i see cool things, i call ppl up and tell them to check them out. it’s called jumping on the curve.
24-i clean. mostly because a whole bunch of dirt can randomly creep me out. but i’m good and thorough. you’ll probably never have to clean your house, because if it bothers me, i’ll probably just clean it for you.
25-i’ll try anything once. anything.
26-i set all my watches and clocks to military time.
27-i have profound appreciation for the female form. i like everything, especially people who are ethnically interesting. some people who are interesting this way are self-conscious or awkward about it. i think it’s hot, don’t worry.
28-i have delusions of one day having sex to “walk on by” by isaac hayes. hasn’t happened yet, but i have hope.
29-i remember birthdays and anniversaries in a way that has been described as freakish.
30-i love doing laundry, and have tricks on stuff like how to soften your sheets that will blow your mind.
31-i’m big-boobed and put out. actively.
32-i’m sometimes to the left of hysterically funny.
33-i like most any movie. (see #25)
34-i play flip cup and beer pong with olympic-like prowess.
35-i’m a romantic, and tend to be willing to go to the end of the earth for someone i’m really into.
36-i’m enthusiastically good in bed.
37-i can do things with a lint roller that will shock and awe you. (not at all related to #36)
38-my sarcasm has yet to reach any sort of terrestrial limit.
39-i’m an excellent proofreader.
40-you will never have me sit down and explain to you why you have to meet my parents.
41-i only ever need to know that you care about me. seriously, i’d be set hearing and/or seeing that once or twice a day. i could learn to put up with chronic bedsores and an inability to climax if i had that.
42-i like to furniture shop. i also dig a nice trip to bed, bath and beyond or linens n’ things.
damn….i’m really quite stellar.
