musings on what is now and what is to come
under normal circumstances, i would probably post this on my private blog, just for me to look at and make myself think.
but i made a really good analogy about 12 hours ago, and it’s worth repeating.
as far as my last relationship is concerned, i was stuck in the ring after it was over, just sort of lying on the mat indefinitely. there was a lot of senseless crying, depression, a dangerous eating habit and general apathy towards all things. given that, about a week ago, i was emailing The Wife about a shift in perception that i’ve had. i basically grew tired of looking at myself the way i was.
coincidentally, about two days before this realization, i had a phone conversation with The Girl that was totally civil. i think i blogged about that. somewhere in there, i realized that i can have love for this person, tremendous love, and not be all hung up on the past and stuck in a rut as far as the rest of my life is concerned. i’ll love her forever, but it’s been time to move on for a while.
over the thanksgiving break, we’ve talked a lot, spent a lot of hours on the phone. in our own way, we’ve been catching up. then, at about 3am this morning, we talked again. in the course of all this talking, she mentioned the limbo status of a relationship, and how she and that person were trying to patch things up. in the moment where i said (and meant) that i wished the best for her, i got up off the mat, and got out of the ring.
and yeah, i told her about the whole process of moving on in my head, because she knows me better than anyone, and not talking to her has been a part of what’s been driving me crazy. and sure, some parts of it were a little awkward, if only because those most intimate parts of her aren’t a part of our relationship anymore, since the whole nature of that monster has changed. but, all in all, i’m feeling good and not conflicted about the entire thing.
it’s a good and healthy first step. i’ve learned very hard lessons, but i also think i got to keep my friend.